Father's Day Tribute

I am blessed to have had two father's in my life.

My daddy, Tony Hagen, passed away at the tender age of 24, just as he and my mom were building their dreams and growing their young family.  My 4 1/2 year old memories are hazy and blotted, but I remember his voice.  I remember the feeling that he loved me very much as the oldest of his three little kids.  I remember the sunny, hot day in July 1976 when I said good-bye to him for the last time.  My mom calls him her "boy husband."  I have always missed him and his presence and always will have the hole of missing him walking with me as I grew up and became an adult, holding and playing with my beautiful sons, and sitting with me on my front porch over coffee.

Merlin and Marilyn Folz, my parents

But God didn't leave us alone. He brought another man to my mom's door, literally. A traveling salesman named Merlin Folz came to the door one day, selling insurance.  My mom invited him in for coffee (we recently teased her for allowing a strange man to come into her house and serve him coffee!) and the rest is history. They were two sad souls, my mom having lost her husband and left with three little children, and Merlin having served in Vietnam and returning with the weight of war on his shoulders. God brought them together and after about ten years of dating, we kids finally told him he better propose, he did, and over 25 years later and one more little girl later, they still hold hands and are good friends.

That guy who stopped to help you when you had a flat tire on the highway? That's Merlin.  He has never passed by someone in need without selflessly giving his time and energy to help.  If there's anything that needs fixing or building, he's the fix-it, generally handy man.  If he can't fix it, he will figure out how to fix it himself or facilitate the fixing.  He would give his left and right arm for anyone.  He's the guy who has a friendly smile on his face and talks to you at the gas station, while you awkwardly say hi and find yourself enjoying the conversation after a while. :)  I have never paid for an oil change, and my van is never dirty when he's around.  He LOVES my boys and his grandchildren as if they are his blood (he often jokes that they look just like him...) and willingly babysits anytime, taking my boys with joy.

He has a strong and simple faith in Jesus and isn't afraid to share it.  He has stood with me through some tough times, laughed with me in the good times, given me advice, been on my side when I've been hurt, sad with me, cried with me.  He calls me an "educated brat" with much love and pride. :)  He can demand no nonsense, yet his heart is soft.  After all these years, I don't think of him as "step-dad," he is just as much dad as my young daddy who watches from heaven with his blessing. 

Thank you, Merlin, for walking into the house so many years ago and joining our family.  You are in my heart.

Another Father's Day....

Father's Day is approaching on Sunday.  As with many "family" holidays, I cringe inside and take a deep breath.  "Just get through it...it's just another day..." "Focus on your wonderful Step-father!" I give myself the mighty pep talks to gird myself with energy.  But deep inside, I cry for my boys whose fathers do not play significant roles in their lives.  I cry for myself because I feel the weight of raising godly men on my shoulders as a single mom. Can I skip Sunday? Disappear for 24 hours in a hideout somewhere? 'Tis the season for the alarming statistics on the terrible effects of an absent dad to roll out like the morning tide while I sit unaware as it plows over me.  If not an alarming statistic, giant headlines of "normal" families with plastered white teeth smiles shine at me from everywhere...

Through the cacophony of my thoughts, I hear my own mother's voice to the ears of a 4-year-old whose father had been killed in an accident, "Jesus is now your daddy" to my little girl question of "Who will be my daddy now?" The statistics disappear, the weight is lifted, the crying can cease...Abba Father is my Father.  He is Father to my boys.

Psalm 68 soothes my soul...and promises that God is Father to my precious sons...
⁴ Sing to God, sing in praise of his name,
    extol him who rides on the clouds;
    rejoice before him—his name is the Lord.
⁵ A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
    is God in his holy dwelling.
⁶ God sets the lonely in families,
    he leads out the prisoners with singing;
    but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land. 

I count my blessings...I have a wonderful family and community.  I am not alone in this.  My boys are healthy, happy, and my 8-year-old has a growing faith.  My boys absolutely adore each other.  God has given me a beautiful family...and He is our father and my defender.

Happy Father's Day to all of you living out your journey in however God has designed your family.  Thank you to the Father's who are living out your calling as men who model integrity and are there for your children.  And thank you to the mom's and dad's who are journeying as both mom and dad in their families. Hug those who long to be a Father but weep quietly because it has not happened for them. Wrap your arms around each other and give each other strength and know that our strength is in our Abba Father. 

 
  

Lady in Waiting

Waiting has never been a key skill of mine.  When I was in college, I couldn't wait to finish so I hurried through in four years, taking as many credits as I could handle, and graduated with honors.  Later, I wondered what my rush was.  When I was dating, I married in a rush and ended up in the wrong marriage. While I was waiting for the next phase, I rushed into a relationship with the wrong man that led to a mixed bag of blessing and more pain.  I was laid off from my job after giving birth to my second son and worried about providing for my boys! With my usual propensity to forget that waiting on God business, I found myself trying to figure out what I should do next!

But God pulled out the stops and said "WAIT!" For a while, I didn't listen (read my old posts...listening isn't always my forte either or maybe they go together....), and finally he took me by the shoulders and said, "Naomi, WAIT."  How do I know this?  Everywhere I went, I heard the same message. I turned on the radio and it belted "While I'm waiting....".  Well I can turn that off.  I went to church and of course, sermon after sermon talked about "waiting" on God, no matter where I was or who happened to be preaching that day.  Pastor Nicole Bullock came to our church to preach one week and challenged me with, "Will I trust God even when I have to WAIT?"  She went on to say "Waiting time is not wasted time.  No matter how long we wait it doesn't matter because we fall more in love with God."

Wait...waiting time isn't wasted?  Then Pastor Dennis Edwards said, "Wait for God always. Constantly trust in God even when we don't see Him."  We were studying Hosea.  "But you must return to your God, maintain love and justice, and wait for your God always!"  (12:6) 

Constantly trust.  Waiting isn't wasted.  That's where I could feel God's hands on my shoulders saying "Naomi, WAIT. Trust ME for your promised land.  You've been traveling through the desert of choices and circumstances. Now, WAIT for a while on ME."  God was calling me back to Him...to return to him to defend me, care for me, and guide me.

I'm now a Lady in Waiting.  I am working through some very difficult and painful areas in my life, but I can feel God bringing me out of the past, out of the bondage of sinfulness and pain, and into the next chapter.  With two little boys to raise and a job to find soon, my journey is ongoing.  But I can feel the healing happening as I really wait on what God has for me next. For the first time in my life, I can say that this waiting time has been building more peace and contentment...and strength for my journey.

"But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

"I said NO!"

Yesterday, Martin had his little friend, Alan, from school over for a playdate.  On one of their adventures in our yard, they stumbled upon a dead, decaying squirrel. Two excited faces appeared before my friend, Karin (I had a playdate too!) and I as we chatted.

"We found a dead squirrel.  It's so cool, you can see its skeleton. Like a dinosaur or something!" The six-year-old boys were shaking with the excitement of new discovery.  "Can we bring it into the house!?"

"NO."  I said in tandem with my friend.  "We do not allow dead animals to come in the house."

The disappointed boys ran outside.  I thought the matter was over.  My doorbell rang.  The boys stood there with a box covered in old rags.  "Now can we bring it in?  We covered it with rags so you can't see it!"

"NO. The answer is still NO."  Their faces fell as they went back outside.  Obedient enough to listen to the adults, but still testing the boundaries to see what may pass for allowing the decaying body of a squirrel into my home.  They tried a few more times - but the answer remained a very resounding "NO."  While I enjoy the creativity and discovery of these boys, I don't want dead things in my home!

It reminds me of my own life.  I've called out to God about a big issue in my life for many years.  Lovingly, he's said, "NO" to me at each juncture.  But rather than disposing of the decay and death of this issue in my life, I have continued to put it in a box, cover it with rags, and bring it back to God.

"But God, what if I dress it up to look like it's alive?  Then can I keep it??"  Like the Father He is, knowing what's best for me, He said, "Naomi, I've told you that it's not healthy to keep this dead thing in your home.  You need to let it go."

"But God," I whined, "I want to keep it. I want to look at it sometimes!"

And very recently, God finally removed the box from my hands and disposed of it himself.  "Naomi, I said NO.  I mean NO.  Live amongst the LIVING.  Look at what you DO have.  Stop carrying that dead thing around."  And I finally realized that His NO was NO.  And I looked around and felt the blooming of life and realized I was free.  Truly free.

I'm not sure where the dead squirrel went...I'm sure it's somewhere in my yard and I pray I don't step on it unknowingly someday!

But I feel the love that God has for me in caring that I experience true life - he has taken this issue and disposed of it.  And has promised me freedom in the life He has for me.

Count Your Blessings...

Remember that great old hymn?  Count your blessings, name them one by one...Count your blessings see what God has done...  As I reflect on the season of Lent and what God is doing, he is cleansing me, cleaning out the "junk," so to speak.  But He is also reminding me that in this time of confession and heart preparation, that I need to think about what He has done for me.

So join me in looking at the blessings in my life, and reflect on your bountiful blessings.  Give him praise and thankfulness for what He has done for you.

Naomi's Tremendous 12 Blessings:

• A beautiful and precious son, who blesses me on a daily basis with his big personality, his servant's heart, his love for singing, the way we play the game "I love you more!", how he carried in the groceries tonight without being told, his humility in coming to me to tell me he is sorry for a behavior, unprompted by me, and I could go on and on about this major blessing!
• My big, fat Scandinavian/African/Mexican/Other family.  They love me unconditionally and are always there for me (even for 2am calls!:))
• My amazing friends who know I've hit a stormy patch in life and are checking in with me often!  I'm humbled by whom God has brought into my life, amazing, godly women and men.
• I have a good job and good colleagues who bring way too many treats to work. 
• My church community - Sanctuary Covenant Church.  This is a true "beloved community."  
• My home - with it's old world charm and beautiful kitchen and hardwood floors. It's more than a blessing to me.  It even has a porch swing. :) (Thanks Kari and Delwin.)
• The blessing of having a good education.
• The sweet scripture that God has given us.
• My old van with over 200,000 miles that keeps us warm and safe.
• The richness of the diversity where my son and I worship and live.  The ability to see what heaven will look like.
• The ability to use my home as ministry, having housed 6 different young women from China here studying at the University of Minnesota.  
• Being able to go "home" whenever I need to.  We head to the "farm" where we refuel our spirits with the quietness and the love of family.

This list is truly not exhaustive in any form.  I could go on and on with what God has done in my life.

Now its your turn...

Count your blessings name them one by one....

Cleaning up the Mess...and Looking to the Cross...

Loneliness...Guilt...Anxiety...Grief... These are just a few of the pain points experienced in the loss of a marriage.  As I waited for over five years for my marriage to magically be healed, God brought me to the realization that it was over.  (see previous blog posts!)  While I had vetted it with him, prayed for it to be healed, and waited...the pain of it being over was much like a train wreck.  I woke up after the devastating jolt to realize I was laying in wreckage: steaming, smoldering, scraps of my life laying here and there.

A carload of loneliness and fear lay off to the side of me, along with a mess of anxiety.  How would this possibly ever be cleaned up?  Who could put these pieces back together? 

But in the mess of grief, my Conductor was there, overseeing the reconstruction. Telling me to patiently wait for him to call in the cleanup crew of loving family and friends.

And as the crew put things in place, I grew weary of the process and decided to take my hurting and broken spirit and try to start cleaning up the pieces myself.  But I wasn't healed!  The Conductor said...Wait, you still have deep healing before you can be out here working!

But I didn't listen.

As I reflect on this holy season, I look back at how I have been impatient to wait on God's healing process.  After years of obeying God's protection by living a pure life, I leaned into the loneliness and away from God, and I decided to take things into my own hands, and I entered into a relationship that caused me deeper pain and hurt.  Rather than waiting on God to provide the next step in my life, I decided to jump on the tracks and start doing my own triage.  As you can imagine, I took a couple of steps backward in healing, the deep heart healing after a difficult period. I entertained lies about myself and where God was leading me.  I allowed myself to be deceived and tried to close my eyes to God's best, settling for what was easy and covered my wounds for a time.  Only to realize that the wounds needed the Balm of Gilead, not the caresses of earthly needs.  I allowed myself to be used by someone who had only their interests in mind.  I refused to listen to the godly crew God had put in my life telling me this was settling for less than what God had for me.

I confess that I have been living in the wreckage of loneliness. I have settled for less than God's best.  I have lived in the sin of my own pleasure to hide the pain.  I have deceived myself into thinking that I felt better.  I confess that I did not truly seek godly wisdom in this decision (see my last blog post). Then I emerged to find that my own way had led back into deeper pain, deeper hurt. 

And now I am being carried back to His loving arms on a stretcher, out of the wreckage, to His triage where I can truly be healed.  It will be a journey - one with ongoing healing processes and changes I can't imagine, but I'm ready to be fully healed.  While I feel the sadness and sting of rejection and loss, I also feel the hope of His fullness and joy.  I am looking towards the crew He has sent me and they are saying, "Naomi, experience God's best for you! Don't take any more detours!" What was under the darkness of the wreckage has emerged into the light, the healing power of God's love.

This is my Lenten prayer as I'm carried to the cross in His loving arms:  I surrender all.  All my mess and scraps of loneliness and grief and pain and guilt.  I confess my sin of not allowing You to continue my Healing process.  I look forward with joy to the path that you want me to be on in this second half of my life.  I commit to waiting on You for your best in all areas of my life.

Lead me to the Cross.... Friends, continue to walk with me on this journey of healing.  He began a good work in me, in us, and He will see it through to the end, despite ourselves.

Wisdom

I turned 40 and survived!  It was just like another birthday - I don't feel older.  People say I look young (I love to relish in that compliment!).

But I also feel like I should be wiser.  I'm 40.  Shouldn't I know a lot more?  Shouldn't my decisions be exponentially easier and always wisely made?  Oh - I know a lot more. I have a Master's Degree in something and lots of life lessons under my belt, but I still struggle with decisions.  I still make mistakes. I still feel vastly underqualified to be the mother of a little six-year-old boy. I still don't know what I will be when I grow up.

Which has led me to some heavy-duty meditation lately.  My pastor preached on wisdom a couple of Sunday's ago.  He referenced my favorite book, James, and spoke on these words:

¹³ If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom. ¹⁴ But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying. ¹⁵ For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. ¹⁶ For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.

 ¹⁷ But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. ¹⁸ And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness. (NLT)

So as I approach an important crossroads in my life, a potentially life-changing decision, I am struck first with what Wisdom isn't: jealous, selfish, unspiritual, earthly, demonic.  In fact, if my wisdom is based on these things, I will have disorder and evil in my life.  I feel overwhelmed - what is fueling my decision?  My own selfish desires?  Insecurities based on past decisions of this type that weren't wise or Godly?  Fear? 

Then I look at what Wisdom IS: Humble, Pure, loving, gentle, willing to yield to others, merciful, good, sincere, unselfish, PEACEFUL.  If I apply these things to what I'm doing on a day-to-day basis, what approach would I have in making this decision?   

I am praying that I live out this type of wisdom for the second half of my life.  God has brought me through incredible pain in the loss of my marriage, the death of the dream of living happily ever after.  But in the pain he has given hope, joy, peace - and now I ask for His pure wisdom as I raise a child alone and seek his will in all aspects of my life, with the decisions that single parents face in their own lives as well as the lives of their children.  

I choose a "theme" each year and this year I have chosen to pursue "deep healing" as my theme.  Part of my healing process is ensuring that my decisions and daily life are lived out in Pure Wisdom, that I live out being a Peacemaker in my home, my work, my church, and my relationships.  

Lord, help me to be grounded in your pure wisdom as I seek your will in my life this year. Allow me to live it out in my daily life and in the decisions that are before me.

Joy in the Season of Hope

"Joy to the world, the Lord is come..." 

This song rings throughout my home, sung at the top of six-year-old boy lungs.  The words aren't all correct, but the spirit and meaning is there.  Christmas is about Hope.  Christmas is the time that we reflect on this Hope.  We look inward and feel the Joy that comes from Hope.  What is our Hope?  Our Hope lies in the Christ-child, Who came so that we could be rescued from the joyless, hopeless existence that is life without Him.  He alone is our Hope, our Joy. 

This year has been a deeper reflection of the Meaning of Christmas for me.  What is Christmas really about?  Our family decided this was the year that we would discontinue spending large amounts of money on gifting the extended family.  We chose a local family whom we will buy gifts for and bless them, as they are having a difficult and challenging time.  There will still be some gifts for our family to open, but making this decision felt liberating, freeing from commercial Christmas bondage.  While we will still "buy" things for this family, it is not about how much or who has more. 

I'm also turning 40 tomorrow.  Of course, it comes with reflection about meaning and purpose.  I am in a place that I could never imagined at the tender age of 20, when I dreamed of the future, and family, and my goals and dreams.  My life has been challenging and difficult and rich and exciting.  I have followed paths that were clearly led by Jesus, and other paths that were clearly led by my own selfish will.  But God is there and He is faithful, even when I am not faithful, even when I take my own path.  And He sometimes gently and sometimes fiercely guides me back to following Him...my Provider, my Husband, my Lifegiver, my Creator. 

As you reflect on Christmas, seek out the Meaning - Jesus.  Look past the plastic Santa and the pretty lights.  Put down the beautiful packages and listen to what He is saying.  Find the Joy He has for you in the simple things...bless others.  Hug your children. Give to the Salvation Army.  Bring a coat to the donation center.  Notice those whose eyes are downcast from the pain.  Find Joy. 

And sing with the six-year-old boy at the top of your lungs...."Joy to the world, the Lord is come....."

Renewal Wanted

As I journey through this season in my life, I often find myself exhausted.  It's a pure, unadulterated tiredness that seems to settle down in my bones, where the very marrow seems to cry out for rest.  With what I lovingly call three jobs, my  "real" job is in the Dean's office at a small, liberal arts college in Minneapolis.  Then there's the fun job of hosting our Chinese students, where I get to pour into them each evening as we bake, cook, talk, and just hang out and we learn from each other.  And finally, the most important, long-term job I will ever hold as the mother to Martin, my five-year-old son, the love of my life and heart.  

But, as you can imagine, sometimes these roles begin to control me and the schedule becomes like that reality show where you try to bounce between the balls without falling into the green, muddy water below.  And the exhaustion begins to seep down deep, to the core of my being, and I start slipping down the slippery slope where joy cannot possibly live.  


My initial thought is to run, run away.  Run where the schedule can't find me.  Where the conflicts don't happen.  Where I find total fulfillment and purpose in my "real" job.  I want to hide.  

And then I realize the truth of our friend, Henri Nouwen's, wisdom:

"In our much-doing we lose perspective, lose our energy, and more importantly, lose our creativity and sense of humor. We thus begin to carry the world on our shoulders and soon become overwhelmed or disillusioned. But to simply withdraw does not provide the way forward, for we then take our hurt or tired self with us. Rather, the movement to solitude is to find a renewed self, and from the center of being loved and nourished we can again enter our world with purposeful engagement and joyful detachment."
-Henri Nouwen, Dare to Journey 

This is what I long to find - a renewed self, where my hurt and pain don't follow me.  I have tried to get away before with the intention of running away, and realized that I was still there.  Pain and all.  The relief of rest was only skin-deep, without the renewing of my spirit.

What is the key to renewal?  I'm on my journey to find it.  To find the purposeful engagement.  To live out joy.

Walking through the Mud

Walking through pain and loss in life is something akin to walking in mud up to your knees.  The mud around you makes your legs feel heavy, it is difficult to walk.  You grow weary in the weight that seems to pull you down.  Then, of course, it begins to rain.  A drop here and a drop there.  Some days it is a deluge.  You're walking along in mud up to your knees and being pounded by the rain.  You can barely see or move.  You can't see anything around you, you feel completely alone, cold, and weary beyond words.

But ahead you can see relief:  the sun is shining.  There's a rainbow and dry ground.  It's off in the distance but you can see it.  But, still, you have to trudge through the mud in the rain to get there.

In the middle of the pain, you are tired and your spirit is heavy.  You still have the day-to-day conflicts with friends and family to work through.  You still have to care for your children and make sure they have what they need.  Your job doesn't go away, and you're trying to keep your game face on as you get through each day.  Your friends and family may scatter as they see you struggling, and they don't know what to do or say.

But even in the midst of all that, you are not alone.  The sun is behind the rain clouds.  There is firm ground under the mud.  You may have to trudge through it but you don't have to do it alone.  Jesus said:
“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”  (Matthew 11:28-30, NLT)

Look beside you. He is holding an umbrella.  Your face is still wet from the rain and your tears, but He dries them off.  The mud is still there, but He has His arm around you.  You are not alone, you were never alone.  

God has not promised that He will rescue us from the "mud" of life, but He is always with us.  This is my reminder today as the rain falls.  I'm tired but He is promising me "rest."  He is teaching me to rely on Him.   

Psalm 23: Rest and Simplicity in God

I used to think of Psalm 23 as the Psalm you read at a funeral. It was an overused scripture people pulled out to read to a grieving widower who had been married to his wife of fifty years.  Recently, however, God has been speaking to me through this scripture, and revealing a deeper meaning...He has been speaking to me about Rest and Simplicity.  As I journey through healing, He calls me to "rest" - in my favorite places, no less, beside a stream in a meadow.   

I see a lesson for how to walk through pain:  Count your blessings, Rest in His goodness, Lean on His strength, Count your blessings AGAIN, Rest in his Goodness AGAIN.  Repeat. 

Join me in reflecting on Psalm 23.

¹ The Lord is my shepherd;
      I have all that I need.

Reflect on what God has given you. 

 ² He lets me rest in green meadows;
      he leads me beside peaceful streams.

Reflect on ways that you can “rest” in God. 

    ³ He renews my strength.
   He guides me along right paths,
      bringing honor to his name.
 ⁴ Even when I walk
      through the darkest valley,
   I will not be afraid,
      for you are close beside me.
   Your rod and your staff
      protect and comfort me.

Reflect on ways that God has walked with you through dark times and given you strength.

 ⁵ You prepare a feast for me
      in the presence of my enemies.
   You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
      My cup overflows with blessings.

Reflect on the blessings and anointing God has given you lately. 

 ⁶ Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
      all the days of my life,
   and I will live in the house of the Lord
      forever.

Reflect on God’s goodness as He “pursues” you.  What does that mean to you?

Restore, Rebuild, Renew

I have had this blog for a few years, but have been poor at updating it, unless there's a major chang in our life status. I decided that it needed an Extreme Makeover - hence the new name: "Joy in the Journey." That name has been rolling around in my head, not because I have somehow found the answer to living out "joy" in my life, but because I aspire to living out joy and delight even through difficult circumstances and pain.

Each year, I look ahead and claim the year for something. Last year was my year of "new beginnings." 2009 was a year of "change." (Why anyone would ever choose that is beyond me...) But this year is my year of "healing" - and to attain that I claim this statement: "When you are who God wants you to be, you can restore, rebuild, and renew." (see Isaiah 58:12)

2010 was a difficult year. This was the year that my hopes of happily ever after were dashed by the reality of life. What I had held on to for five years was simply not meant to be. And while the relationship had been destined for failure due to time, space, and commitment issues, I had carried it around like a sacred chest, even as it grew so heavy that I had to drag it around me. I prayed and cried and begged God to save it, but in the end, it was not my decision and God released me from dragging around the heavy burden. My marriage ended but it was like a pain of watching your loved one suffer on the machines that breathed life, and while you knew that death was the ultimate release and relief, the final breath was like shockwaves through your soul.

If you have ever experienced death or divorce, you know the grieving process that begins. I have experienced death, as a child my father died when I was 4.5 years old. I have now experienced death of my dreams of having a lifelong partner.

So I cling to 2011 and the healing that will come, as God restores, rebuilds, and renews my broken heart and home. As he reframes the shattered building that looked like my hopes. As he gives me a new hope and dream with the healing that is coming.

And He brings joy to my journey.

Ghana at Last!

As I write this, we are six days away from the trip of a lifetime, spanning an ocean and a continent, we are flying to Ghana, West Africa on January 25.  This trip has been over four years in the making.  As I ponder back over the last years, I realize that God's timing is never wrong.  We had planned to come two years ago, but God had another plan.

Working a good job in downtown Minneapolis, I thought I had life under control.  But it started to slip away from my tightly clenched plans as life moved along, we were still separated from our husband/daddy, and it was getting more difficult to keep everything in my control.  God told me that He had a better plan for me.  In early 2009, as I was driving to Bible study, I had a tough conversation with God about the circumstances we were facing.  Financially, we were overwhelmed with daycare, housing, car, amongst other things.  I asked God how I was going to get through this and what was going to happen to us.  I should say the conversation was more like a hysterical weeping session between God and me.  As I pulled up to Bible study, I brought myself under control and told God it was in His hands. I didn't want to control this anymore.

At Bible study that night, I was leading,  Afterwards, we had a time of prayer.  One of the ladies in my Bible study shared that they were losing their rental property, which was in fact their first home.  She was requesting prayer for someone to live in the home rent-free, paying the utilities until the foreclosure went through.  I couldn't believe my ears.  I had been pleading with God about our financial issues and was I hearing this right, this opportunity was immediately available????  Was this the answer?  I responded that I'd been praying about our extremely tight financial condition.  We talked it through over  the next few weeks, I prayed a lot and had others praying...I went to visit the house.  It was in a challenged area of Minneapolis, called "North Minneapolis."  That was the "hitch."  I would be giving up my beautiful, new built apartment in a lovely area of Coon Rapids, a nice suburb, to go and live in "the hood."  I was not a stranger to this area, as my church ministered there.  I had prayed about potentially going to live there someday...but now?  But God told me "yes" - and we moved there in April of 2009.  Here were Martin and I courageously living where God had literally made a place for us to recover financially.

Then in June of 2009 another change came.  I lost my job downtown Minneapolis.  Not only had God known the pleas of my heart, he knew that soon we would be unable to afford the pricey apartment in the 'burbs.  He had a perfect and holy plan for us.  I was humbled by the experience of total obedience.

As 2009 thundered on, we still wanted to go to Ghana.  It felt like it would never happen.  But at the end of 2009, after four years of separation, we were finally able to purchase tickets to Ghana.  This was not my ideal timing!  But God had "released" me from so many things while I followed him in obedience, it was apparent that I could now travel to Ghana in relative peace, without the binds that would have existed just two years prior.

2009 was my year of "change."  I had chosen this mantra before the year began.  The amount of changes that we experienced were amazing and some were difficult.  2010 is a year of "moving forward" and of "new beginnings" for our little family.  As I finish my grad school paper, pack all of our earthly belongings and get ready for this next chapter in our lives, I'm following God to Ghana in obedience.  I've learned that obedience is not always easy and fun.  It's challenging.  It requires the ability to be flexible and to understand that God's will isn't always tangible.  It's fluid.  But it's obedience.  It's listening to God's voice and understanding that many times, it's just a mystery.  It's being able to allow for mystery and ambiguity along the way.  It's letting go of your own will and your own way, and allowing God to lead.  And while I get in God's way a lot, it's reminding yourself that God's way has been best.

We're looking forward to this new year and new adventures.  Ghana, here we come.

Denied!

On May 13, 2008, we found out from Jim Ramstad's office that our case had been denied. They were unable to find out the reason. That will be revealed in the "official" denial letter that they are mailing. We have not received it yet.

Please pray with us as we decide what we should do moving forward and our next steps.

Naomi, Nana, and Martin

Where's our case?

Just a quick update - our case has been "taken off the shelf" and is being "worked" (words in quotes were used by Margaret in Jim Ramstad's office). Margaret also told us that since it was "found" on March 10, it would take about 30 days to process. She said "check back the week of April 7." I ask that everyone be praying between now and then that our appeal is granted and Nana can come back. We are planning to leave for Ghana on April 14. What a miracle it would be to have an answer before we leave. We will be returning on May 15. Join us in praying!!

Naomi, Martin and Nana

Bring Nana Home!

God is good and his mercies are new every morning! Since I last wrote on the blog, Nana (Freddy) was able to meet with Sandra Davis, MDA's CEO. They had a great time eating dinner together in Accra, Ghana while she was there on a vision trip for a non-profit she's affiliated with. That was a tremendous encouragement to both of us.

Since then, she made a phone call to Jim Ramstad's office in Minnesota. He is a legislator for MN. His caseworker, Margaret, started working on the case when I followed up. I sent her a release of information, and she started making phone calls to Washington DC, where our case resides in the Admin Appeals office.

Margaret was able to find out that our case had been "on a shelf" and was now being looked into. This new is huge in light of the fact that we haven't been able to find out case status since 2006. We are now praying that our appeal is passed through and approved. This would allow Nana's status to be changed so that he can return to the U.S.

Not only that, Martin is potty training!! He has had two days of wearing his Spiderman underwear. Praise God! :)

That's why I started with the verse - God's mercies are new every morning. What a journey we are on. My friends and I have dubbed 2008 our "Year of Hope." God is not done. I don't know what the decision will be but I know that God is just beginning a work in and through us.

We are planning a four-week trip to Ghana in April. Let's pray that we find out a decision before then.

The CEO Goes to Ghana

I work for a consulting firm (http://www.mdaleadership.com/). We provide leadership consulting for companies around a variety of issues. Our CEO is Sandra Davis. A few months ago she came to me and said "I'm going to Ghana."

I had shared our story with Sandra...how my husband was stuck in Ghana with an immigration issue that had already taken him away for two years while we wait for it to be resolved. She was empathetic and a good listener. However, she was about to take it to another level.

We had coffee and she talked about her trip. She told me about how she serves on the board for a non-profit organization that works in third world countries, and provides macro loans mostly to women to start businesses. She was going to tour some of the work that was being done in Ghana. Of all the countries - they work in many countries and areas of the world. It just happened to be in Ghana. I don't believe in "happenstance" - I knew this was "providence."

She offered that she had a bit of time and could meet with Nana, my husband, while in Ghana. I was apprehensive. Would it work out? Were we worthy of the visit of someone who was so well-connected? Someone who was regarded as a thought-leader in our industry? Someone who was hard to get time on her calendar?

But God was in control - and He had a plan for this meeting. I helped coordinate their schedules and they met on Saturday, December 1st at her hotel. My husband assured me that he was right on time. :) He took her to a very nice restaurant where they ate local fare. Thinking he'd get maybe an hour, they spent almost 3 hours together talking.

I know that God sent Sandra Davis to Ghana to view the work being done by her non-profit, but we were blessed tremendously by her willingness to bless us in this way with her time. I have been praising God for such a gift. My experience at MDA has really been a divinely appointed job as I transitioned from Nana here to him being away for the past two years.

Praise God for His Goodness!

Spiritual Cosmetic Surgery

I'd love to have cosmetic surgery. A big cut here, a little cut there. And voile - the new and improved Naomi. However, I've watched a couple of shows where surgery happens - and the participants come out looking like they were on the wrong side of Mike Tyson's fist. They're moaning and in great pain...and I change my mind and say - I'm ok with all of this. :)

But there's another type of surgery - surgery at the steady hand of the Great Surgeon. 2007 has been my year of surgery. At the beginning of the year, I was pulled forward to the altar at Sanctuary (http://www.sanctuarycovenant.org/). Pastor Efrem Smith was preaching about how God "cuts" us - and though it's painful, in the end, it's needed. I went forward and said "God cut things out of my life that are dysfunctional. Make me into a godly woman. Teach me how to work through hard things rather than working around them."

I didn't know what I was saying at the time. Since then, God showed me that there is a great need to push through conflict rather than retreating from it. He's shown me that He is taking care of me. I don't have control over things - but I don't need to. He will show me the path He has for me - in my family, with my husband returning from Ghana, as a mother, as a sister, as a colleague at work. But the passage through 2007 was the most painful I have ever seen. Hours of tears, Bible reading, focus on working through conflict...it seemed that I would recover from one thing, and another issue would be headed my way.

I haven't arrived - I'm still a work in progress. But I can slowly see how God is shaping my story - he's cutting me and it's really painful. But in the end, it will be beautiful. It's just getting through the recovery period - and not giving up on it. It's waiting on God and allowing him to remove the bandages slowly. Sometimes the healing isn't done so the bandages are placed lovingly back on.

My healing isn't done - my bandages still exist. But God is working in and through me to create a more beautiful me - on the inside.

Baby Talk

Ada! Aba! I heard these sounds over and over from Martin. In the past, he's enjoyed pretending to be a baby for fun or playtime. However, this was getting annoying!

Frustrated, I told him, "Martin, you're a big boy! Stop talking babytalk!" He just looked at me like I had lost my mind. After about a week of it, and my frustration with his new "babytalking," a lightbulb came on in my head. He's not babytalking. He's learning a language!

As we had set things up with our new babysitter, I made sure that she would teach Martin my husband's language, Twi. She speaks that language and a few other tribal languages, but she said that she would be sure to do that. (Theresa is from Ghana!)

As I spoke to my husband and imitated the sounds Martin was making, he immediately knew he was learning Twi! By the time we're reunited with Nana in Ghana, Martin will be able to have some "babytalk" conversations with his daddy.

What a blessing that we have a Ghanaian babysitter for Martin so he can keep the contact with Nana indirectly.

- Naomi

London? Or Minneapolis?

The weather has been grey for days, maybe weeks. Where did the sun go? I feel like I was transported to London and didn't know it. I wish that would happen - I'd much rather be touring London. ;)

Have you ever tried to shop with a toddler? Last night Martin and I tried the endeavor of shopping. We hit Fleet Farm, Gap, Old Navy...thank God I got myself a depth charge (a regular coffee with two shots of espresso - for the hard core drinkers). Our mission: to find a coat and snowpants for a 2-year-old under the price of $50. Do you realize just how hard that is?

With toddler in tow, I hit Fleet Farm (it's like a big farm store with clothes). No coats there under $50 - so we leave and the buzzer sounds. The security woman comes over to check things out. I desperately hope the toddler didn't take anything. No, it's my work badge. Thank God. As I'm talking to the woman, my toddler runs to the big green lawnmower. I hope that he doesn't run out of the store. Whew - I look and he's still there. I'm flustered and dragging him out, while he screams to go back on the big, green lawnmower. We have a talk in the car about good behavior. He smiles sweetly and says "Sorry Mama." Uh huh.

We hit Old Navy and finally Gap. Still nothing under $50. Martin wets his pants. I pull my hair out waiting to check out (we found shoes though!) with the woman in front of me who decides not to use the coupon after her $150 purchase. I march over to adult Gap. Martin runs and hides, giggling. I drag him back, check out with the "Poor you" looks of the checkout girls, get to the car, change him to the new pants from soaked pants, and sit there for a minute.

The moral of the story: Don't shop with your 2-year-old after work. :)