Father's Day Tribute

I am blessed to have had two father's in my life.

My daddy, Tony Hagen, passed away at the tender age of 24, just as he and my mom were building their dreams and growing their young family.  My 4 1/2 year old memories are hazy and blotted, but I remember his voice.  I remember the feeling that he loved me very much as the oldest of his three little kids.  I remember the sunny, hot day in July 1976 when I said good-bye to him for the last time.  My mom calls him her "boy husband."  I have always missed him and his presence and always will have the hole of missing him walking with me as I grew up and became an adult, holding and playing with my beautiful sons, and sitting with me on my front porch over coffee.

Merlin and Marilyn Folz, my parents

But God didn't leave us alone. He brought another man to my mom's door, literally. A traveling salesman named Merlin Folz came to the door one day, selling insurance.  My mom invited him in for coffee (we recently teased her for allowing a strange man to come into her house and serve him coffee!) and the rest is history. They were two sad souls, my mom having lost her husband and left with three little children, and Merlin having served in Vietnam and returning with the weight of war on his shoulders. God brought them together and after about ten years of dating, we kids finally told him he better propose, he did, and over 25 years later and one more little girl later, they still hold hands and are good friends.

That guy who stopped to help you when you had a flat tire on the highway? That's Merlin.  He has never passed by someone in need without selflessly giving his time and energy to help.  If there's anything that needs fixing or building, he's the fix-it, generally handy man.  If he can't fix it, he will figure out how to fix it himself or facilitate the fixing.  He would give his left and right arm for anyone.  He's the guy who has a friendly smile on his face and talks to you at the gas station, while you awkwardly say hi and find yourself enjoying the conversation after a while. :)  I have never paid for an oil change, and my van is never dirty when he's around.  He LOVES my boys and his grandchildren as if they are his blood (he often jokes that they look just like him...) and willingly babysits anytime, taking my boys with joy.

He has a strong and simple faith in Jesus and isn't afraid to share it.  He has stood with me through some tough times, laughed with me in the good times, given me advice, been on my side when I've been hurt, sad with me, cried with me.  He calls me an "educated brat" with much love and pride. :)  He can demand no nonsense, yet his heart is soft.  After all these years, I don't think of him as "step-dad," he is just as much dad as my young daddy who watches from heaven with his blessing. 

Thank you, Merlin, for walking into the house so many years ago and joining our family.  You are in my heart.

Another Father's Day....

Father's Day is approaching on Sunday.  As with many "family" holidays, I cringe inside and take a deep breath.  "Just get through it...it's just another day..." "Focus on your wonderful Step-father!" I give myself the mighty pep talks to gird myself with energy.  But deep inside, I cry for my boys whose fathers do not play significant roles in their lives.  I cry for myself because I feel the weight of raising godly men on my shoulders as a single mom. Can I skip Sunday? Disappear for 24 hours in a hideout somewhere? 'Tis the season for the alarming statistics on the terrible effects of an absent dad to roll out like the morning tide while I sit unaware as it plows over me.  If not an alarming statistic, giant headlines of "normal" families with plastered white teeth smiles shine at me from everywhere...

Through the cacophony of my thoughts, I hear my own mother's voice to the ears of a 4-year-old whose father had been killed in an accident, "Jesus is now your daddy" to my little girl question of "Who will be my daddy now?" The statistics disappear, the weight is lifted, the crying can cease...Abba Father is my Father.  He is Father to my boys.

Psalm 68 soothes my soul...and promises that God is Father to my precious sons...
⁴ Sing to God, sing in praise of his name,
    extol him who rides on the clouds;
    rejoice before him—his name is the Lord.
⁵ A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
    is God in his holy dwelling.
⁶ God sets the lonely in families,
    he leads out the prisoners with singing;
    but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land. 

I count my blessings...I have a wonderful family and community.  I am not alone in this.  My boys are healthy, happy, and my 8-year-old has a growing faith.  My boys absolutely adore each other.  God has given me a beautiful family...and He is our father and my defender.

Happy Father's Day to all of you living out your journey in however God has designed your family.  Thank you to the Father's who are living out your calling as men who model integrity and are there for your children.  And thank you to the mom's and dad's who are journeying as both mom and dad in their families. Hug those who long to be a Father but weep quietly because it has not happened for them. Wrap your arms around each other and give each other strength and know that our strength is in our Abba Father. 

 
  

Lady in Waiting

Waiting has never been a key skill of mine.  When I was in college, I couldn't wait to finish so I hurried through in four years, taking as many credits as I could handle, and graduated with honors.  Later, I wondered what my rush was.  When I was dating, I married in a rush and ended up in the wrong marriage. While I was waiting for the next phase, I rushed into a relationship with the wrong man that led to a mixed bag of blessing and more pain.  I was laid off from my job after giving birth to my second son and worried about providing for my boys! With my usual propensity to forget that waiting on God business, I found myself trying to figure out what I should do next!

But God pulled out the stops and said "WAIT!" For a while, I didn't listen (read my old posts...listening isn't always my forte either or maybe they go together....), and finally he took me by the shoulders and said, "Naomi, WAIT."  How do I know this?  Everywhere I went, I heard the same message. I turned on the radio and it belted "While I'm waiting....".  Well I can turn that off.  I went to church and of course, sermon after sermon talked about "waiting" on God, no matter where I was or who happened to be preaching that day.  Pastor Nicole Bullock came to our church to preach one week and challenged me with, "Will I trust God even when I have to WAIT?"  She went on to say "Waiting time is not wasted time.  No matter how long we wait it doesn't matter because we fall more in love with God."

Wait...waiting time isn't wasted?  Then Pastor Dennis Edwards said, "Wait for God always. Constantly trust in God even when we don't see Him."  We were studying Hosea.  "But you must return to your God, maintain love and justice, and wait for your God always!"  (12:6) 

Constantly trust.  Waiting isn't wasted.  That's where I could feel God's hands on my shoulders saying "Naomi, WAIT. Trust ME for your promised land.  You've been traveling through the desert of choices and circumstances. Now, WAIT for a while on ME."  God was calling me back to Him...to return to him to defend me, care for me, and guide me.

I'm now a Lady in Waiting.  I am working through some very difficult and painful areas in my life, but I can feel God bringing me out of the past, out of the bondage of sinfulness and pain, and into the next chapter.  With two little boys to raise and a job to find soon, my journey is ongoing.  But I can feel the healing happening as I really wait on what God has for me next. For the first time in my life, I can say that this waiting time has been building more peace and contentment...and strength for my journey.

"But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31